As You Lay Beside Me

As you lay besides me

As you lay in bed next to me

I try not to cry, but I cannot stop

As you lay next to me,

You’re blind to see me sobbing right now and I’m glad.

I’m glad you are children that do not understand pain and suffering.

As you lay next to me,

I cover up my face and hold my throat tight to not let out a whimper or a cry that makes me want to scream

As you lay next to me,

playing with your stuffed animals

You don’t see the struggle we are all

Going through.

I’m so happy you can’t see this.

No job

No money

No assurance of the next day.

I feel like I am failing you and your sister.

What I hope to one day tell

You is the happiness we have.

The love and connection we built.

The fun and games we played.

One day I’ll tell you about all the people that helped us.

All the people that gave from their hearts.

All the people that loved without question.

For these kind acts still make me cry every night.

One day I’ll show you the pictures we drew.

The paintings we made.

The crafts we built.

One day I’ll tell you about the togetherness we created

The sharing we learned

The toys we invented.

As you lay here In bed

I want you to know I’ll never understand

What happened to us at this time,

Why ?

How ?

Or what’s to come?

But what I can tell you is that

I’m happy to be here next to you.

Just being here with you right by your side.

Goodnight my children.

One day you will not be as blind.