The pressure the get up of the couch
The thoughts of doing something to get up
The whirlwind of emotions just trying to be productive
I tell myself
“Get up”
“Just move”
“Roll over and stand”
Nothing
The feeling of being paralyzed followed but the bombardment thoughts of guilt.
Here comes more judgment. Laziness that turns to anger.
Anger at myself for not being able to control my own thoughts and physicality
Let’s try this again
"Get up”
“Just move”
“Roll over and stand”
Nothing
What the fuck is going on
Why can’t I just move
I'm telling my body to get on its feet
I'm telling my body to at least make an attempt
Fuck it I’ll just stay here
Winds turn to hurrinace
My thoughts are whipping around my head so fast I cant keep up with them
As the thoughts move faster so does the beating of my heart.
I stopped breathing
I cant breathe
I’m gonna die
Wait
Take a breathe
Slow it down
This will pass
The storm will be over soon
Grab a palm tree
Hold on tight and just breathe
Is it over?
Good
Now
"Get up”
“Just move”
“Roll over and stand”
Nothing